Racism 101: Are you a Racist?

“It is easy to be a King among paupers. It’s not easy to be a King among Kings.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

There are certain points in my life where I can pinpoint where the change within me, took place. One of them was when I realized that the company I kept, was a reflection on who I wanted to be. Growing up, adults would tell me to mind the company I kept because the kind of people they were, would be the kind of person I was expected to be and I would be treated as such. This never resonated with me. I never cared about the reputations of my friends. I never cared that whatever their perceived faults were, were also my perceived faults. This didn’t matter in who I hung out with, who I loved or who I was considered “One of.”

When I was 19 and in college, I noticed a drastic change in the company I kept. I went to a school where some of my High School friends also chose to go. However, it only took a few months before I realized that I had outgrown many (If not all) of them.

It wasn’t that they were bad people or that I was somehow better. No, it was something very different. It was their life goals. The fact that most of them really didn’t have any. I found myself drawn to people who had a plan. Not even a plan that was set in stone. It was often just people who wanted to “Do better.” Better than their parents, better than they did in high school…just better. 

From this point on, it became one of the few constants in my life. I found myself, unintentionally attracted to people who wanted more, wanted better and wanted to change the world. I never knew before talking to them but that’s who they always turned out to be. The same seems to happen for me online. The people that I am most drawn to are those that I feel have a light that is burning a little brighter than mine. 

I find that when I am looking for someone in the romantic sense, one of the biggest things I have to know about them is who they hang out with. So many people seem to judge people by their family tree. I find this an odd thing. After all, no one get’s to pick their family. Friends however, you chose them. I find so many “Nice” people to simply be the “Nicest” of the assholes in their group. This is a problem. I want a kind person. I don’t want the kindest of the douche bags. Being a kind killer is still being a killer.

So here it is, this is what I know of life thus far, paying attention to who your friends are can be your defining grace. You chose them. I’m not talking about drugs or money or even education. I am talking about your life goals. They don’t have to be people who can “Help” you get further in life but they SHOULD be people who you can share successes with. 

That is what it comes down to. “Shared” experiences. If you succeed in something but a person you are friends with succeeds in something else, the likelihood of them being jealous of you or vice versa, is low.  The competition is more likely to be healthy. 

Always remember, being a lone bright burning candle in a dark room is only useful or impressive to candles that have no light. It will do nothing for you. Take care of you.