Today's lesson, Racism. If you see something written here that you’ve said or done, use it as an opportunity. Take it as a wake up call and make the decision to grow, change and be conscious of your own privilege. Remember, I am not a speaker for the entirety of a people.
I am flawless with my language….
Sometimes, I speak in anger and things come out that I wouldn’t say that I regret as much as I would say, I wish I’d worded differently. For example, yesterday during the “Fat-shaming” accusations, some people felt I was harsh. I am actually perfectly happy with every single thing I said except one single line.
I said something to the affect of “People are just looking for a reason to bitch now.”
Now, the thing is, I didn’t actually mean it the way it was taken. Here’s the problem, so what. It doesn’t matter how I meant it. It doesn’t matter that, as far as I was concerned, the REASON I was saying it was perfectly justified.
The reason I regretted it later that day, now and will likely for a long time, is because in THAT conversation, it didn’t belong. It doesn’t matter that I believed I was in the right. As I was typing this, I started to give my explanation as to why I said it then. The reason I won’t, is because it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t.
There are some conversations that don’t allow for certain word pairings. Period.
This was one of them. I shouldn’t have said that to the person I said it to. I shouldn’t have given a half assed apology, which I did. I should have acted accordingly. They were at fault for plenty but I have no control over how others choose to handle their rights and wrongs. What I do have control over is my own mouth, my typing hands and my choice to recognize and apologize for wrong doings. No matter how wrongly I believe I was treated, at least one of them was still owed a proper apology.
I failed at decency.