Over the past few days, I’ve been catching up on posts I’ve missed while I was gone, setting up future post and arguing with bigots. In this time, several things have come up that I want and need to address. (Warning: Long ass post is long)
Two days in a row, two separate bigots that I was conversing/arguing/debating with, received messages encouraging them to kill themselves. In the first instance, it was said that it was somehow my fault because I “Told them to go there.” While in the second, the person receiving the message on Anon, credited the message to me. In the first instance, I personally never saw the message. I was only accredited for “Sending” people to write it. In the second, I was furious because well, it wasn’t me but more importantly, it wouldn’t have been me. (Not to mention, it was attributed to me ONLY because I was the person the bigot was replying to at the time. Which I find to be a dick move) I will say that I take suicide, suicide threats and calls for suicide very seriously. I wouldn’t say something like that. Not even through rage. The problem that I am now faced with is that, other than previously stating that I personally wouldn’t do something like that, I have never really discouraged it.
I discourage it. I do not condone it. I do not encourage it. I do not think it cute, funny or helpful.
You are angry? Good. You should be. RAGE. Fucking rage. You should rage against this kind of ignorance and bigotry. You can do it without death threats or calls for death. You can. I promise you.
This leads me to my next issue. There is an ongoing discussion/disagreement on how to handle things. Angry or patient. Yell or speak softly. Rage or happily dance. As far as I am concerned, they are both valid and needed. I repeat, they are BOTH valid and NEEDED.
For many, it takes anger, rage, a raised voice and the sound of a fist pounding on a table to get their attention. For them to hear you. For them to stop what they are doing, what they are saying and listen. REALLY listen. For other’s, you can absolutely hold their hand, sit and talk while you explain each and every detail of why they are wrong.
THESE PEOPLE DO NOT WEAR BUTTONS TO DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES.
When someone says or does something bigoted, this is NOT the time for you to decide how OTHER people react. You don’t like the way someone is talking to the bigot? Okay, that is perfectly fine. HOW-the fuck-EVER, you should be concerned with how YOU are talking to the bigot. You don’t like the yelling and angry wording? Okay, well why aren’t YOU choosing a gentler path? Your “Gentler” path might work. It might not. The problem is that while you are “Telling someone off” for how they told someone else off, you have said NOTHING to the bigot. Your silence is acceptance. Now, if you truly believe that there is a better way to handle the situation, that’s great. Maybe you can help. Don’t sit there and pout. Step up. Say things YOUR WAY and maybe you can get through. Give it a try. Seriously, HELP OUT. Be whatever kind of voice you think will work. Don’t sit and write posts about how this one time you were sweet and kind and it totes mcgotes worked. If that is true, fantastic! The question is, why were you writing poetic love letter to your greatness while everyone else was trying to make a bigot stop being cruel? Seriously, I don’t care WHICH route you choose. I care that you GET ON THE DAMN ROAD!
Riley: When did Riley become the GOD in your prayers? I seem to have missed a meeting or something. In the time I’ve been gone, there have been multiple blogs created for the SOLE PURPOSE of reblogging and discussing Riley in the most negative ways possible. Normally, I would say, to each their own. The problem I am having with these situations are that 1-Damn, there sure are a number of them and 2-What is with the hate fandom? It’s creepy and it’s evil. More than that though, it’s pathetic. Riley isn’t for everyone. You know what? That’s okay. It really is. We don’t have to sit in a drum circle and link arms with each other. Why the targeting though? I mean, I could sit here and go into why this is so disturbing from an onlooker’s point of view. But…I kind of want to know what happened in the lives of the people doing this. Okay, so you don’t like someone? Okay, no problem there. Why would actually START and DEDICATE A BLOG TO THEM? Yes, this is upsetting. Yes, this is the act of a stalker. Yes, this is sick. But…WHY? When I don’t like someone, my instinct is to avoid them, not build a shrine. Why would you build a shrine to someone you loathe? I don’t understand the dedication to someone you…”Hate?”
Sex Workers: Um, this has been under my skin for a while now so let me be as clear as humanly possible. If you are against sex workers, you are against me. If you do not see the difference between a “Sex worker” and a person who is part of “Sex trafficking” you need to say NOTHING at all. Contrary to many ignorant opinions, sex workers are not only human, they are decent, they are upstanding and they are doing a job that they want to do and a job…for many, this next part is going to shock you…they LIKE to do. They don’t need to be “Saved” or “fixed.” Perhaps it is YOU who need to be “fixed.”
Women are women: The other day, I got into a heated discussion, no fuck that, I got into an argument with an anti-woman, self described, “Radical Feminist.” After re-reading my replies, I realized just how angry I was while I wrote. For those of you that have seen me argue before, you can normally see exactly where my anger grows. Unfortunately, with a certain amount of anger, there often comes a point where I start repeating myself and even talking in circles. Now, even though much of what I wrote was…goodness, a LOT! I stand by the sentiment. For those of you who weren’t able to keep up with all of it, I’d like to clarify my feelings on the subject now. Women are Women. I will never feel differently. I don’t care what “Descriptor” you or anyone else puts in front of the “Woman” part. If you identify as a woman, you are my sister. There is nothing more to discuss. With that said, in every positive group or movement, there is always a subset of people within that group who believe themselves better, different or “More” than others within that same group. I consider myself extremely pro-woman. The problem here is that there are some who confuse “Pro-Woman” with “Side with ANY woman no matter what.” This is not and will not ever be me. To say that certain women are not women in a “Blah blah blah” way, is to say that you believe YOUR womankind is THE womankind. You are not my sister. I make no bones about it. I don’t care how it sounds, looks or makes you feel. To separate my sister from me is to separate you from forward movement. I do not apologize. I do not sit in silence and I do not bend to the whims of those that believe themselves the “True” woman. Also, FUCK YOU for that notion in the first place. (I know, I know. It sounds like I contradicted myself there, right? The “If you identify as a woman you are my sister” and then the “If you believe YOUR womankind is THE womankind you are not my sister” part. Okay, here’s the thing. I stand by this wording. Here’s why: When a person in a group that I either personally belong to or am personally fighting with/for does something to hurt that group, they are anti-that group. Yes, even when they themselves are PART of that group. You are a woman who doesn’t believe women should have equal pay, birth control or laws that protect us from violence? You are anti-woman in my eyes and therefore, not my sister. Equally, if you believe there is a certain TYPE of woman that IS “Woman” while other women are not, you are not my sister.)
In this same argument, there came discussions of “Safe Places.” I would also like to clarify my position on that. I believe in them whole heartily. Everyone not only needs a safe place but deserves a safe place. My issue with the “Safe place” the RadFem was calling for was NOT the need or even the want of it. It was the REASON for it. For many of us, the “Safe Place” is a place needed for protection, to have our voices heard and not be talked over. To have issues that we face (which are often overlooked completely) brought to the forefront. THIS IS NECESSARY. My issue with the RadFem’s call for this “VERY SPECIFIC” type of “Safe place” was that it was NOT about these things. It was not even about having their voices heard. As a matter of fact, each person that added something in favor of this disturbing “Safe place” was a white cis woman. Why does this matter? Well, out of EVERY kind of woman there is, (at least in the US) these are the very women who DO get their voices heard, are protected (as much as women are in this country anyway) and get issues that are more specific to them brought to the forefront. In addition, (and this is REALLY where my problems lay) the use of “Safe place” was actually being used as a bullying mechanism. It was not being used to protect and include those that don’t otherwise have safe places. It was (and is) being actively used to tell people that they didn’t belong. Not just in this “Place” but in this fight. In this community. She told one woman she should see it as an “Honor" to not be included. (This shit REALLY happened) Safe places are NOT for bullying. THEY ARE FOR BEING SAFE AND HAVING YOUR VOICE HEARD. Why would anyone ever have to say (type) this out loud?
Finally, I love tattoos, pasta, sitting on the back porch while it rains, comedy, long rides to nowhere and being read to in bed! That about covers it!